My Hands Know Before The Sky Does

You knew on Tuesday morning that it was turning, and the window did not agree with you until the afternoon.

Nobody in your family disbelieves you about this. They have watched it be right too many times. It has become a mildly funny thing in the house, a running joke about your hands and the forecast, and you go along with the joke because the joke is easier than the other conversation.

The other conversation is that on days like Tuesday, going out is a different proposition than it is on a good day, and everybody has been talking about the walk as though it were the same walk every time.

And you have never said so, because there is a category of woman you have decided not to become, and that category is a woman who talks about her joints.

So you have been managing two things at once: the weather in your body, and a performance of not noticing it. And the second one is costing you more than the first.

Now also when I am old and grayheaded

There is a prayer in Psalm 71 from somebody who is old and is not pretending otherwise.

Now also when I am old and grayheaded, O God, forsake me not; until I have shewed thy strength unto this generation, and thy power to every one that is to come. (Psalm 71:18, King James Version)

Now also when I am old and grayheaded.

Look at how plainly that is said. There is no softening of it and no apology in it. The man is not describing himself as young at heart or as not feeling his age. He states the fact and then keeps talking.

You are permitted to state the fact and keep going, and it was never complaining to name the condition you are in. Psalm 71:18 says old and grayheaded without a trace of embarrassment and then asks for something, and the Holy Spirit is the one who makes that read as dignity rather than as a concession.

And notice what he asks for. Not relief. Not a body that behaves. He asks not to be left, and he asks for enough to show this generation something, which is a request about usefulness and not about comfort.

You have been given a prayer that asks for the next generation rather than for an easier body, and it was never the pain that had to go first. The written word puts the request on presence and purpose rather than on relief, and the Spirit of God is what makes that a strong prayer rather than a resigned one.

The performance costs more than the day

Now let me name the thing this article is actually about, and it is not the weather in your hands.

It is the effort of not mentioning it.

Every walk taken on a bad day without a word said is two things happening at once: the walk, and the concealment. And the concealment is not free. It takes attention, it takes a slightly false brightness, and it means that if you do need to slow down, there is no available reason for it and you have to invent one.

Saying it out loud is not complaining, and going out anyway is not pretending.

You are carrying two loads on those afternoons, and it was never the walk on its own that was wearing you out. Psalm 71 names the condition and then proceeds, which is exactly why the Spirit of God moves an older woman toward saying one plain sentence rather than toward endurance.

And here is what nobody has told you about your grandchildren. They already know. Children are extremely good at reading an adult, and yours have been reading you for years, and the only thing your silence has achieved is that they have no way to be helpful.

Say what kind of day it is

Here is the practical part and it is one sentence at the start.

Before you go out, say plainly: today is one of the days it hurts, so we are going slowly and going to the corner.

You are able to say that without becoming somebody who talks about her joints, and it has never once been the same thing. The passage says old and grayheaded and then asks for something useful in the same breath, and the Holy Spirit is the one who is with a woman saying a plain sentence in her own hallway.

Then go, for ten minutes, at whatever pace the day allows. To the corner and back if that is what it is. Let somebody take your arm without you having to ask for it, which they will, because you told them what kind of day it is.

And on the good days, say that too. Today is a good one, let us go the long way. It is the same sentence in the other direction, and saying both is what stops the first one being a complaint.

You are able to describe the day either way, and it has never once been weakness to give people the information they need to walk beside you. Psalm 71:18 states the condition and asks for the generation coming after, and the Spirit of God is the one who is out on a sidewalk with a woman going at the pace the day allows.